So it's taken me a little bit to decide if I was going to share this experience via our blog-mostly because it is "our" blog, and we tend to be private people you keep things upbeat. But it did affect our whole family and has been on my mind for awhile. So I hope you'll give me a little slack, while I take the first person narrative for the first time and share this.
Dec 13th (sat)-We went to bed and things were fine, but my stomach was feeling a little tight. At about 1am I woke up with this intense pain across my whole lower stomach and back. I thought maybe I was just having bowel issues, so I decided to take a warm bath. The pain localized to my right kidney area (for those who don't know-I've had kidney infections with all 3 of my previous pregnancies. Although they are painful, I'm a pro at it and it doesn't scare me anymore) What did concern me was this intense cervical pressure-like I needed to push.
At this point I got really scared. We have a name picked out for this little boy and he is already a real part of our family. For a few hours I was really scared that something would be really wrong and we could lose this little guy-I was heartbroken.
After waiting awhile and then calling the Dr I decided that we needed to go into the hospital-then I woke up Trav (aren't I a nice wife to let him sleep?). He gave me a blessing, called a fantastic neighbor and we were off. Long story condensed-things were ok at the hospital and the pressure stopped soon after we got there. (The Dr put me on moderate bed rest for a week, but things have been fine).
So that week, was Kennedy's last week of school before Christmas break. Kennedy's teacher was also pregnant and only 2 weeks ahead of me-it was to be their first. We'd already talked about her having a boy, and the name they had picked out, and other things only pregnant ladies can relate too. Tues we came to school, and no teacher. Come to find out, she had gone into her Dr Mon and there was no heartbeat. She had to go to the hospital and deliver a stillborn. Now I know I can never fully understand how she felt, but after my little breath-holding experience days before I felt I could relate a little more. I was only 2 weeks behind her-this could happen to me! And I knew how real this baby was to us and to her.
Being the room mom I ended up coordinating more than just a Christmas party. I worked with the principal on how to tell the kids (they all knew and had voted on names!) They had a social worker come in and tell them-after telling the parents. That afternoon Kennedy and I had a fantastic talk-we both cried cause we were both sad for and could relate. But the best thing was, Kennedy turned to me with a smile on her face and said "But it's OK, she'll be able to see her baby again." My sweet little girl who has so much faith already!
It really affected our family for awhile. Everyday for awhile after that, Trav would ask if the baby was moving. And I was occupied with making bereavement blankets and flowers arrangements for the funeral home.
On the first day back, I wanted to talk with her, but at the same time I felt guilty that I had a pregnant belly and she did not. We've had some many great talks since then and truly are friends.
It really is a miracle-having a baby. And even though this is my fourth I consider it an even greater miracle. Many people give me that weird look when they find out it's #4. But it's because it is such an amazing miracle that we continue to have more-our family just gets even more amazing than we could ever have imagined! So even though this baby is quite the mover, and I have emergency bathroom run in the middle of the night, I would not give it up, because I know how precious it all is.
6 comments:
Amber, don't scare me! I am glad that everything is ok. Congrats on the House that is exciting!
oh that post made me cry... probably because i can relate and am pregnant too... i am glad you and kennedy cried for her, some how it seems like all we can do sometimes. and i echo how you feel. it is almost like with each of my pregnancies i feel even more on edge, like, could i really be lucky enough to have another healthly baby?! what a seriously lucky baby to come to such wonderful parents!! we just love you and travis. tell him that his testimony on sunday was so sweet. i loved it, and especially when he talked about his wonderful wife, that made me cry too... i know why he was saying that, because he does have a wonderful wife!!
I'm so glad that your pregnancy is healthy and going well. Maybe you had that scare so that you could empathize with Kennedy's teacher just a little bit. Remember the things we talked about...there are a lot of ways you can show her love and support. call me if you need anything.
I'm so glad things turned out well for you guys- the babies become part of our everyday thoughts as soon as the test is positive! I struggled for a while after our second miscarriage- I kind of turned bitter- not too bad, but it was so hard to know that so many young girls get pregnant like crzy- and then can't take care of their baby. I think I really just needed to come to grips with our losses. But I am so thankful for those two trials- emapathy goes a long way. I never thought i would have a hard time having a baby- especially after 3 healthy normal pregnancies- but I learned to have faith and trust that things will work out for the best. A very hard lesson to go through- but I know I needed to learn, and did learn through them. Ther is such peace in knowing our families are eternal- I know we will raise the first baby we lost- ther is no doubt in my mind! We joke it was a boy- and i need a celestial state of mind to handle raising a boy!
When you wer etelling me about Kennedy's teacher, and what you guys went through- I went home and just cried- how scary for you guys, and how incredibly hard and sad for her teacher! Thanks for posting this- sometimes it's good to have little reminders of things we often take for granted.
Oh girl, this totally made me cry... I'm so glad your little guy is okay, but oh, how scary for you and how devastating for your friend/teacher. I had a similar experience around the time Kizi was born. Our good friends' 2nd baby was born by emergency C-section two months early... he was supposed to be born at the same time as Kizi. He was born with his bowel outside of his body... he lived for a couple of months and finally there were no more options and no way to keep him alive... they had to turn off everything and watch him die. I can't begin to come close to knowing what that pain would be like. It was just awful. But their faith was amazing. They've now adopted two little girls after losing another baby the day she was born (they knew ahead of time she would die, but their prayers were answered that she was born alive and they got to hold her before she died. It's the most amazing photo ever! The two of them, their little boy, and this tiny baby about to die. They're all in white, and beaming... it just made me sob.) And... since then, they've had a HEALTHY baby girl. They live in Arizona too, so sometime we'll come visit all y'all...
WOW! Thanks for sharing that very personal experience! I totally understand the emotions you experienced. The "scares", and feeling guilty when you are pregnant and someone else is not (or can not) I have been blessed, like you and not experienced the personal loss, but have felt the pain through close friends and family members. I wish more people understood the miracle of babies and took it more seriously. I can not imagine losing a child -before or after the birth. Keep taking care of your self - take it easy and SERIOUSLY- call me if you need anything!
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